Wow you are between a rock and a hard place.

You mentioned being hard on his son, does he (husband) have the same discipline rights with your son? It does not sound so. That may be the heart of your issue.

I know you mention step son's criminal history, but distruction of property is also a crime.

Someone mentioned family councelling and that sounds like a good idea. You do not say how long you've been married, is this a new issue or has it been ongoing and hubby has reached his limit?

I wish you the best of luck with husband and children.