I'm supposed to go be with my toxic, dysfunctional family (mother, sister and her family, aunt, a few people my sister invited from outside family who I have never met, etc). I used almost an entire session with T talking about how much I wish I could say I'm not going, but I ultimately am too weak too follow through. So, I'll be there, trying to melt into the furniture and blend in with the plants as much as possible. I can't even begin to think about Christmas yet. Holidays are not a big deal to me, and I hate having to gather with people and act like I want to be there and all is great. The fakeness is soul sucking.