Wher I feel like spilling my guts I'm afraid....so if you're sick of hearing me grumble just don't read this.
I feel numb. I feel like..ok I have therapy tomorrow, but is itdoing me good really? what if this therapy does not get rid of my issues? What if I can never shake off this depression, anxiety and symptoms of ptsd?
Negative? yes. I can't be botheredto clean up all of last nights mess left by me and all my family. I going to go back to bed after I have written this and not get up all day because that's how I feel. I can't deal with anyone or anything actually.
My head is full of crap and my heart is tired. I want to bury my head in the mud and leave it there. Self pity? Yes. No motivation? exactly.
I can't even write my poems cos I have no words left, that hurts.
I love writing, It's all gone.
I feel like a fraud cos here I am telling other people positive stuff and I don't take my own advice!
So really I shouldn't be here at all. I feel miserable, stupid, boring, lazy and I can't find it in me to do anything about it.
Therapy tomorrow looms and I don't even want to go....pdocs are only human, she is getting tired of me, I just know it.
Well, sorry to go on for so long, I just needed to spill, let go, feel sorry for me and I don't feel any better. Sorry to all my wonderful friends who have tried so hard to build me up and send love and hugs, I love you all dearly, but maybe your energy will be better used to someone who is trying harder, please don't think you haven't helped cos you all have.

Jinnyann