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My mom and I were very close, to a fault...she was a completely overbearing mother and had boundary issues.
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The technical term for this is
enmeshed. Your mother wants to have, and has, excessive influence in your adult life.
I too am an only child. I can relate.
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She wants us to work on us first and until she is 100% comfortable with us, then she said she will allow me to work on fixing the relationship with my mother.
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Think about that: your girlfriend will
"allow" you to work on your relationship with your mother only after your girlfriend is
"100% comfortable" with the relationship. Until that time, you are not
"allowed" to call your own mother.
There is a saying: we marry one parent and become like the other. And this makes a certain sense: when we start looking around for a partner, our image of what to look for is unconsciously guided by what we know of woman or man...which we learn in large part from the examples of our parents.
My suggestion is individual counseling for you. I think that counseling can give you the opportunity to figure out who you are, separate from the women in your life, and help you figure out how better to deal with them.
In the meantime, my suggestion is to separate the two relationships. Stop trying to manipulate your mother toward a place that she clearly does not want to be. No more forced apologies, no more trying to paper over her animosity and compelling need to control. And no more agreeing to unreasonable demands from your girlfriend. Start thinking about how you yourself want to be: not what your mother wants you to be, not what your girlfriend wants you to be, but what you want you to be. Do you want to spend the rest of your life controlled by your mother? Do you want to spend the rest of your life controlled by your girlfriend? Do you want to spend the rest of your life cut off from your own mother? If not, then start to figure out new ways to relate to these people. A therapist should be able to help you with this.