I'm still reeling from your first post on this thread, Mapper. Your husband sounds greatly depressed about his work situation. People can take days off work when you're not physically sick but in need of a mental health day. Is is possible his work is very hostile or volatile and he's avoiding it for a reason? It doesn't sound to me like you've ever expressed any concert to him about it, just that you berate him for it. I get that it's frustrating, but it sounds like your first impulse is to get mad rather than worry about your husband. I would start right away by asking your husband what's going on at work and if these sick days he's taking are for any specific reason.

You say he's not helpful around the house, etc., that could be another sign of depression or PTSD.

Regarding the daughter, if she has anxiety that definitely could keep her inside while she's visiting, especially if she's not familiar with the area. Also, it's only 3 days...what all plans is she supposed to have made? I'm 36 and when I go to visit my mom for holidays, I often sit around doing nothing...because I work such long hours when I'm not on vacation, I often just need a break from thinking and doing.

I understand you don't want the daughter to come live with you. When I was 20, my dad moved down to where I was going to college and insisted I move in with him so he didn't have to help pay my rent on my apartment (which was part of his divorce agreement). He proceeded to move his girlfriend in with us, which actually made me quite uncomfortable. From my point of view, I had more right to live there than she did, but she treated me like I was living in her home, when she had her own condo and it was my dad's home. We did get along pretty well and I liked her, but there were times it made me uncomfortable (of course, there's a whole back story of manipulation here, because my dad wanted to stick it to my mother and get out of his divorce obligations of helping me pay for college expenses so he manipulated me into moving out of my apartment).

My whole point is, maybe you should bite the bullet and discuss with your husband about having his daughter move in, that it makes you a little uncomfortable. Also just be clear with him that if she does move in, there will be rules that she has to obey. Setting ground rules for her potential living there I think would really help ease your concerns.

Venting is good and all, and we all need it. But one of my therapists once forced me to stop venting and start thinking of solutions. Especially when you're having to vent SO often. Venting should be a once in a while thing, not an every day thing. If you're having to vent every day, you have to start examining how to change these situations in your life. Otherwise, it just sounds like you are miserable.

I used to "vent" a lot about my job here until a great fellow chatter brought up to me that I was saying the same thing over and over again and that if I need support, I needed to be clear about what support I needed, and if I needed to change something, I needed to change it. I was a little shocked at her confrontation, but in the end, she was right. I started thinking about the complaints I had at work and how I could address those. Since then, things have gotten a lot better. I still occasionally have to vent, but most often when I post about it now, it's to ask for advice on how to deal with a situation, because I don't want to just sit in a bad situation that I have to vent about every day, I want to make that situation better so I can enjoy my life.

I hope this all makes sense. I'm really rooting for you, and I think you have the opportunity to be proactive and make some changes for the better.

Good luck,
seesaw