It's that time of year again, unfortunately. The abuse I suffered as a child was worse on and near holidays, Christmas in particular. I was beaten bloody every day. Several times to the point of unconsciousness. One Christmas,
The following year he went after my mother
I don't go anywhere on the holidays so my depression doesn't ruin everyone else's enjoyment. Also, my family and people I know are so materialistic, lots of people are, that they have forgotten what holidays are really for.
To top it all off, the PTSD nightmares get worse during the holidays and that sucks. I don't sleep well and this goes on till after New Year's. I've seen so many therapists and have yet to find one that talks with me, not at me. I do the best I can to deal with this. Surprisingly, my cat is my best support, so I spend the holidays with her. I wish I had someone that could look past my pain, anger and sadness, to see who I am inside, so I would not be alone. I'm not sure I will ever be able to trust anyone. It's been 26 years since the incident above happened when I was 16. When the holidays come, it resurfaces like it just happened. I'm no quitter. I've been through Hell and back so many times, I've got frequent flier miles. I just wish something good would happen, so I would have something else to focus on. I'm so very tired, from the inside out.