Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna
By my definition, a defense is unconscious. So if you were purposely trying to make her laugh, you were not using laughter as a defense. I would ask, what was your unconscious intention? It strikes me more that you were being false with her, intentionally acting a role. Then you became angry that she didnt see through this role-playing to the real you, ie "blaming her for laughing too much." But you set her up in a no-win situation. But so did your mom.
I think thats why my ts usually refuse to laugh in my sessions, unless THEY make a true joke or witticism.
But it also explains why it was only ever safe to try to make my own mother laugh, but i think it hid my same anger at my no win situation.
Complicated! But a breakthru for me, i think!
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Glad you had a breakthrough Unaluna,
I am closer to my own. I am used to playing roles to entertain people. I don't think it's about being false or setting t up, that sounds very blaming to me. I know that's not your intention and it's my perception. While I was reading your post I was thinking about my own mother who would pay me to o impressions and put on accents for her amusement, she would then reducible me afterwards, so there was a bit of that happening with my t. T wasn't ridiculing me but of course I projected me shame onto her by getting angry to defend myself. Mmmm, I really understand it a bit more, it's very deep sense of shame