Today is shaping out to be a disappointment. Woke up too late (shortly before noon). The whole day it has been gray and cold, and with my SAD tendencies it isn't making for a good day. Not to mention it gets dark so early now, and with the overcast skies the darkness comes even sooner - it is now 5:20 and the streetlights are turning on. We had the first snow flurries of the season this morning, but nothing stuck. I didn't get to witness it because I slept too late, like I said. Had some coffee then caught up with my only irl friend on Facebook. Her fiance told me last night that she was at her dad's house here in town, so I was hopeful maybe that she would ask me today if she could spend the night. Instead she told me she is going to a Rocky Horror live performance in Indy tonight with her dad, his female 'friend', and some other of her relatives. I hope she has a good time, but I am starting to wonder when/if I'll get to spend one-on-one time with her again, rather than through Facebook. I also get the sneaking suspicion that her fiance doesn't want us talking or spending much time together, but that's an entirely different story I won't go into.

My dad went to the liquor store this afternoon before I could give him money and ask him to pick me up a half pint, so I had to come to terms with not being able to drink tonight, after weeks of not drinking and anticipating that one drink.. I had been counting on having that drink to relax, as I've been so on-edge and nothing is helping. Mindfulness is a crock. I'm stressed mainly because my parents have been fighting more often and I've had no means of unwinding at the end of the day. However, now my brother is spending the night, when I don't particularly want him to, for personal reasons... Not to mention the fact he and my dad don't like each other much. And with the way my dad's been acting lately, I'm scared a fight will break out between either them, or him and my mom in front of him, which would likely piss him off and cause him to confront my dad. The only consolation prize is Pizza King, and that my brother is now on his way to the liquor store and I will get to have a full pint of whiskey rather than a half of one. They are going to watch the race. I just hope they don't expect me to go out there and be social, or they will be disappointed.