Hi, i'm Kamachi, 16, male, from Brazil, and I'm not feeling very confident about my life and my past.

It has been only a few days until I came across in-depth about Asperger's Syndrome, due to my mother's pyschology classes, so she asked me to help her. What I didn't knew was that I would absorb so much of the whole autism concept into my mind.

Ever since as a child I always had a problem with socializing and relationships, but everyone just thought about that as a personality trait. As such it seemed fine myself always being shy and quiet, so aspies' tendency to avoid and hate people interation wasn't enough to convince me as being "one of them".

Since I really like chatting and making new friends, it seemed paradoxal for me to have autism, as my lack of social skills was due to disuse and past problems such as bullying and so, not a cognitive problem at all. I also have fully capability of speech and understanding sarcasm, something aspies are said to not being able to.

What I didn't expect, however, is how autism can manifest itself on different people, after learning about other aspies' lives. This opened my mind, to an extent.

Perhaps the most influential traits of autism are the "insistence on sameness" and repetition things. Again, this fact alone wouldn't scare me, but the next would: the dificult (or fear) on abandoning old preferences. Okay, I consider myself as an open minded person, so if someone show up with an idea or advice I will listen it. Alone, however, I won't make it. So I noticed this tendency on myself, as I kept listening to the same musics, playing the same videogames, watching TV on the same channels, and so on. I was really shocked in the moment I realized in my whole life I've suffered from this. Often, I feel as if I am less experienced and thus less capable than other teenagers. This also messes with my social abilities since my repertoire of subjects in a conversation is limited. When asked about i.e a movie everyone but me watched, I'm forced to pretend I watched it too so I don't feel stupid around people.

So this means I'm sticking forever on the same things if I don't get any recommendations? I'm afraid the answer is yes, so this will mean I may have autism, right? Or, peharps, I'm just too lazy for searching for things myself and instead waiting for people to say what to do. Phew, that's better... Sounds more relieving. (I also think that this is caused by my ADHD, so that I just forget to check new stuff and just stick with already have because its easier, so I'm serious about being lazy. Such laziness however won't stop me from obssessions I already have. If I want to play a new video game, then I'm probably going to play a game from a franchise I already like, instead of giving a chance to a completely new game.)

This all being said, I'm going to see a psychologist in a few weeks. So I'm too scared with the idea of being diagnosticated with Asperger. This idea is already evolving into some kind of psychosis, as people around me insist that I'm not even close of having neither autism or any other mental illness, though I can't believe it.
For anyone reading this until this point, thanks a lot already. \o/