I don't know why this is so difficult for you to understand. Perhaps you have always been around people who value you so you don't know any different?

We are defined by our social interactions. Whatever roles you play in the groups you hang out with, that is essentially who you are as a person. If you see yourself as something different from that, then you are being delusional. So if I surround myself with people who see me as a clumsy, awkward, dumb guy, then I take on that persona. That is not the persona I want to have.

What do I give them in return for attention? Ummm, I give them my attention? Why should I give them anything else? Is my attention not worth as much as theirs? These are just coworkers who hang out together for fun, we are not close friends. Nobody really invests much work into this, they just be themselves and that is enough. Why does that not seem to be enough for me?

But no, I do not come across as using them or not caring about them. They actually joke about how they are not nice people and how I am the only nice person in the group.