Woah... can I just say woah!?... in a good way of course. To start to answer your questions... No, I never for once thought you were crazy or suffering from a manic episode. Why? Well honestly because when I type and write and express to the extent that you so beautifully have here... I call myself inspired instead of bipolar. The label just fits better for me ya feel? And NO: I wanted to read more and more of your writing so you didn't write too much.

And yeah that's it. I can't comment on the love interest struggle too well. I don't feel comfy only because I was lured into this post by your baseline question.
For me I have a boo and I feel lonely when I feel like he's suffering in his own hello if addiction and mental illness and my passion for him is like a magnet of both repulsion and attraction like gravity. He centers and grounds me to heaven when I think about our love and how strong it is. The irony is that English is my first language and I still come across so incomprehensible sometimes I - I'm just helpless sometimes ya know?. Anyways... you asked HOW not what...and to answer HOW I say I think about heightened passion and loneliness like I think about breathing... sometimes I forget and I panic and sometimes I think too much and my brain feels like it swells up.

So yeah... sorry that I feel like you feel so lonely... I get scared and paranoid and to alleviate my mental pain... I pray to Jesus. I hope Allah brings you peace and a partner though. You definitely deserve it. 🙂