Hey. Sorry I haven't been responding to posts lately. I have been coming on with the intention to at least read... and I end up getting through half of one post before I sign off. The depression is awful.

I had my session with T yesterday. We permanently changed our sessions to Saturdays, which I really like. There was so much I wanted to talk about with him. I talked about almost nothing. I cried on and off for an hour and a half. One tissue was required because my eye makeup was beginning to run a bit.

T said something that meant a lot to me. He said, "I'm mad at your depression. I'm not mad at you, but I'm really, really angry at your depression. I don't like what it does to you... and I don't like what it does to us in sessions." When I am depressed I don't engage well with him at all.

Then he went on to say that he wanted to do whatever he could do that would help to alleviate this.

We were in room #7 again with the close chairs. I had given him some letters from this past week. I gave them to him to read to himself b/c I refuse to read them out loud. In one of them, I wrote about how much I liked being close to him like that. Then in a tiny font, I wrote how I sort of wanted to hold the big stuffed penguin in that room. Or him.

When I was crying T asked me if I wanted to hold the stuffed penguin. I told him I didn't (even though I did). He said, "Are you sure?" And I said that I didn't because that would mean I was giving in to the little kid feelings right there in front of him and I hate the little kid. He said, "An adult can't want to hold a stuffed animal?" True. But still....