Ah man I have been in the same boat so many times now I have lost count. I am terrible at staying on meds. In fact I last stopped mine towards the end of July and still haven't got back on them or tried new ones despite how terribly I'm doing right now. Yes I probably need them, but still can't convince myself that I will take them which in turn makes it hard for a doctor to trust me and prescribe something.

The way I have been told to look at it, which does help to a certain extent, is if you had diabetes or another physical illness and had to take medicine every day for that would you feel ashamed then, would you hate that you had to take it to stay healthy and ok? Depression is no different, just another illness that sometimes need meds to help you through it