So I was sitting here thinking what am I, am I a father, am I a husband, am I a friend? I know that I am all of these things, and I know that is very important to be all of these things. I try really hard to make sure my family is taken care of and in the process I neglected my wife. I neglected her emotions, her compassion and her love. Now I am stuck, I am not sure if I can convince her that I do love her and do respect her. I have been writing poems in an attempt to quell the desire to run right home and tell her I am staying but it is getting hard the words are not flowing like they were before. I want to be with my family, but I also want my wife to want me. I am scared, terrified actually. I think I am losing the best thing in my life and I have no grasp on it whatsoever. I have given up the reins of control and just let go. This has been very hard for me. I know a lot of people are sick about me going on about my wife and to anyone that is I am sorry for the sugar sickness. It is just that I have made a life with the one person that completes me, the one person that understands me, and the one person that cares about me. I have hurt her bad and I am very very sorry about that. I wish I could take back the things that I said and did, but it is not an option. The only thing I can do now is try and show her that I am that different person. I must keep sending love to her the best way that I know how, through my written words. Forward...forward...forward.