i'm only just starting to feel this "need." i have needed him in a practical way before, but i am just now starting to feel like i need *him.* i wish i had something to hold onto. i have some voicemails i play again and again which help... but i wish i had something visible, tangible. That need is very strong.

Alex, i feel like that kid is sitting there with nothing, just bare floor and empty space. No parent, no object.

Hopefull... maybe you could ask for a voicemail or some other objects. She seems to understand how you are feeling... maybe you can agree on an object. If it troubles you to feel this way, then maybe you could work with her to develop ways of keeping your "addiction time" limited. Allow yourself an hour for example during which the object is yours and you can focus on it alone.

dunno.. just throwing out ideas.