I have been in a state of mind where I don't think life has any meaning, and thus change is a waste of time. I have no friends, no families, no no one in my life, literally. If I had an emergency, I wouldn't know who to call. I'm the hermit in the city. From my experience, I view people as hypocrites. Everyone is after his/her ego through others, everywhere, all the time. If someone doesn't inflate people's ego, then he/she is of no use. Life is just an arena for people to fight physically or psychologically. Anyone wants to live, has to participate in this arena and comply to its rules. I haven't signed up for that. Vanishing instantly would be the best escape from this life for me, because I want to die, but painlessly. I wish I didn't exist. I wish my parents didn't bring me here.