My gf and I have been dating for 15 months. We are very happy together most of the time, but she is worried (to the extent that she might not want to be in this relationship) that one day I will physically hurt her in a serious manner, because of various things I've done in the past. I’m pretty sure I won't physically hurt her, since I love her very much and want her to be healthy and alive, but since she keeps mentioning it, it has created some doubt in my mind (maybe one day I WILL hurt her?! am I really a monster?!)
Some examples of past events that's led to her believe her safety is at risk (sorry these might be rambly but I’ll do my best to be succinct):
Event #1:
She wanted to make a costume for a party one evening. I told her I was very tired and said would be nice if we can finish by 10pm so I can go to bed by 11pm. She agreed. However she ended up going way past 10pm and so I gently reminded her that I’d like to rest. She ignored me. So I complained more intensely. Then we started arguing. I felt annoyed, especially by the fact that she didn’t show any empathy or apologise for going way past the time which we agreed on. In the heat of the argument, I impulsively ripped apart the cardboard costume she spend 2 hours making. Obviously, she was very pissed off, so we argued for another few hours, before I made my way back to my own place.
Event #2:
We were in a club for a friend’s birthday party. I found out I lost my card wallet, one she gifted my for my birthday. So I tried to look for it with my phone’s flashlight. I couldn’t find it. So I went back to the restaurant and bar we went to previously in the evening, but couldn’t find it either. I went back to the club, and told my gf I lost the wallet, and I tried to find it, etc. She then started hurling verbal abuse at me, some of which were actually quite hurtful (which I do not mind, but the way she said it she definitely had the INTENTION of hurting me, which I DO mind). Instead of hurling verbal abuse back at her, I splashed my glass of champagne on her face. She went livid…which was kind of the point. She then went crying to her friends. I am now seen as the “bad guy” by all her friends (not complaining, maybe I do deserve that title).
Obviously looking back, it’s clear that I should’ve reacted in a much calmer and mature manner. Let things cool down, take a few deep breathes, etc. I probably have some anger management issues I need to work on. But should I be concerned that one day this will escalate into me physically hurting her? If so, what should I do about this?
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