Quote:
Originally Posted by A Red Panda
You, and no one else for that matter, will ever be happy when you spend your life comparing yourself to someone else. Ever.
you can't force charisma really. You can become more charismatic but it has to be genuine - and I don't think you genuinely want to be, you just want to be "better". Which you pretty much state in your second option.
As I've said before - none of us here can actually comment on you, your coworkers, girls at the gym, or your brother... You have such extreme views and opinions of everyone in your life that the only thing we can be fairly sure on is that you're giving us an exaggerated black-and-white description. This is how therapy could help you - a therapist could help you break down some of that black and white thinking.
Now, as you seem to claim some desire for self-improvement.... Here is what I've seen and learned about you from your posts. I am not going to restate your own self-assessments because I have no idea how accurate they are. I am only going to share my own observations and opinions. Again - as I do not know you and only have your extreme black and white thinking to go off of, it's a bit difficult and who knows how accurate or inaccurate I am.
1) you have very low self-esteem
2) you are very shallow- the only positive you share about yourself is that you are youthful and attractive.
3) you seem to care more about being idolized than anything more genuine
4) you've got a contradictory belief that you're better than everyone but also worse than everyone
5) you mind-read others and are quite convinced/paranoid about what other people think about you - and you've yet to share any concrete examples that prove your thoughts.
6) you've expressed a lot of hate and jealousy towards everyone in your life
7) it seems like you are quite fake in your behaviour around others - you say they all say you are nice but I've never heard you share anything nice about what you do
8) you ignore or get aggressive towards people on the forum
Based on these things and others, I can say that yep, I wouldn't like you very much at all. Those sorts of views come out over time even when you try to suppress them.
I'm sure you are going to either ignore me or get aggressive as that tends to be your pattern. And yet, I keep responding to you. I respond out of a genuine concern for you even though responding in many ways feels like a waste of my time and effort.
Being genuine is a lot more important than being shallowly charismatic. I am both genuine and charismatic when I'm in social situations - being charismatic was a natural trait of mine but it got squashed down due to being treated poorly st home, but I've became more natural to myself over the years.
The people I tend to become closest with are the ones who value me being genuine as opposed to people interested in my charisma.
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Your list isn't entirely accurate. Lets go through it real quick:
1) Yes, that one is accurate.
2) No, that is not the only positive thought I have shared about myself, if you pay attention elsewhere in this thread and others, you will see I have mentioned other things. However, in terms of qualities that actually attract people, yes my looks is probably the only thing. Like I mentioned, I am not charismatic or witty nor do I have any special talents.
3) I am not seeing the distinction between charisma and "something genuine". Charismatic people are naturally genuine and that is why people like them. People like me are inhibited because people taught us it isn't ok to be ourselves and now they overlook us in favor of more charismatic people. It is basically a cycle where the desirable(charismatic, witty, intelligent, fun, attractive) are allowed to become more desirable and the undesirable(awkward, mentally slow, boring, unattractive) are not given any chance or improve. And then people wonder why we are angry...
4) I never said I was better or worse than everyone. Only that most people seem to think they are better than me. There is no "better" anyways, society only creates this illusion by valuing certain qualities like charisma and intelligence.
5) I don't read minds but I am very good at reading between the lines.
6) Everyone? No, more like just a few people.
7) Yes I am fake in my behavior because whenever I do what comes naturally people seem to find me annoying. I don't know what else I can do other than fake the behavior that they want to see. Why would I come on here and brag about the nice things I do for other people? If I did, I am pretty sure you would point that out as one of your "red flags" anyways.
8) I do not ignore people, I just don't have a response for everyone. Also I don't always have time to respond since I have a job and other things to do. If I am aggressive with someone it is usually because they made a passive aggressive attack at me first. Then when I react with open hostility I am called out, reported and my post gets deleted. It is a lot like what my brother does: covertly attack someone's self worth under the guise of "intellectual debate" or "constructive criticism" and then portray them as the aggressor when they react angrily.
Anyways, I don't see any concrete suggestions on what I should do in your post. It seems you are just trying to excuse people who don't like me.