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gerber said:
i'm vulnerable.. i have had two+ yrs of living hell which have robbed me of all reserves... beaten down into the ground. Crying in my car on my way home every day. Feeling sick when i'd get up. Frightened nearly constantly. Life was unstable, precarious. i didn't always have food, and i never had love. Those years drained what was me away... so now, i don't have reserve strength. i'm the first and the last person to need therapy now.

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gerber, that paragraph reminded me a lot of myself and where I was a couple of years ago. I was at the bottom and that was when I first sought therapy. Just falling apart and hardly able to function. Crying non-stop. I did start therapy and the therapist was of the CBT type, and offered coping strategies. We never did any deep work. I was not capable, and I'm not sure she did that type of work, anyway. I worked with her a while, got more functional, stopped seeing her, and then over a year later, found my current T. I was ready to work with him, go deep, and really make progress. I sometimes wonder how it would have been if I had gone to him first. I really would not have been able to do the intensity and depth of work that we did, because when I did go to him, I had recovered somewhat, built up some reserves of strength, and also cultivated some outside sources of support--friends, family, etc. Anyway, sometimes I do think we are indeed not ready to do deep and intense therapy due to our lack of strength and ability to cope with what life has thrown us. I think it is OK to use therapy as a way to get "strong enough" again to function in life and then maybe in the future, to go deep with the therapist. Sometimes we just aren't strong enough to "do it now", and that is OK. Grow strong. Use therapy for that. Take care.