Quote:
Originally Posted by OrangeMasticator
Woah... can I just say woah!?... in a good way of course. To start to answer your questions... No, I never for once thought you were crazy or suffering from a manic episode. Why? Well honestly because when I type and write and express to the extent that you so beautifully have here... I call myself inspired instead of bipolar. The label just fits better for me ya feel? And NO: I wanted to read more and more of your writing so you didn't write too much.
And yeah that's it. I can't comment on the love interest struggle too well. I don't feel comfy only because I was lured into this post by your baseline question.
For me I have a boo and I feel lonely when I feel like he's suffering in his own hello if addiction and mental illness and my passion for him is like a magnet of both repulsion and attraction like gravity. He centers and grounds me to heaven when I think about our love and how strong it is. The irony is that English is my first language and I still come across so incomprehensible sometimes I - I'm just helpless sometimes ya know?. Anyways... you asked HOW not what...and to answer HOW I say I think about heightened passion and loneliness like I think about breathing... sometimes I forget and I panic and sometimes I think too much and my brain feels like it swells up.
So yeah... sorry that I feel like you feel so lonely... I get scared and paranoid and to alleviate my mental pain... I pray to Jesus. I hope Allah brings you peace and a partner though. You definitely deserve it. 🙂
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Thank you so much OrangeMasticator
I can't find the expressing English words to tell you how you boosted my spirits
For months now I've been sending emails & messages to people to find someone to share something, a little bit of what's boiling in me, with, but people are apathetic, busy, & don't simply care or have any much of their souls left in them to interchange consciousness' passionate reflections on ourselves & life around us... the system (both the local & global) have turned us into machines instead of thriving our humanity!
This is so wonderful what you're having with your boo (I had to google the word boo to know what it means first
). This is what love truly is, a mix of repulsion & attraction, a mix of pain & passion
This is how everything in the Universe evolves & emerges a new being, through both repulsion (electromagnetism & expansion) & attraction (gravity & fusion) creatively dancing together...
What you have with your language is exactly what I have with English & Arabic! I can't seem to masterfully capture any of both! Sometimes I feel very creative with language, that I make up new words (like "disconformed"), & sometimes I feel like: "Huh?!! blagger fragshish plantershoosh wha?!!"
& that's actually like most of the time!
& the confusion of English, Arabic fosha (traditional), & Egyptian Arabic (that is pretty much different from the former), words & expressions in my head doesn't help at all either! Perhaps if I also learn Chinese & add it to the bunch, that might fix things a bit!
Yes, praying to Jesus/Allah/God/Universe brings us much comfort & serenity in our current mechanistic times... though I no longer pray or worship Allah, I only make love with It, try to reach for It, by reaching a heightened level of consciousness/passion...
Some, or maybe many, materialistic secular evolutionary scholars call this a "religious need", that the human mind imagined/invented (something like an imaginary friend) a Higher Entity to tamper our psychological fears of loneliness & uncertainties. So sometimes I feel panic & depression that I'm only imagining that there's an Allah, that we're loving & embracing each other, because it's just a psychological need of my mind...
But other times I think, it's just logically impossible that this whole wide beautiful (& even painful & ugly in some of its aspects) Universe, with all its mysterious "coincidences" that kept rhythmically evolving for 13.8 billion years, to finally bring you & me here talking over this page
, is just nothing, with no purpose, with no sacred Wholeness that loves & embraces us with an intense and eternal level of passion that we cannot yet comprehend in our present level of consciousness
But just like the atoms, evolved into more wilful cells, who evolved into more beautiful plants, who evolved into more perceptive animals, who evolved into more creative & passionate humans, I'm confident that the Universe is still transforming, to drive humans to evolve into even more conscientious beings who will have a more heightened level of perception & passion, that God will be very real to our direct senses, not just an imaginative desire of our current minds...
