ECHOES, that sounds so hard. And your T sounds so comforting and there for you. She is really, really good about calling you back on the phone (I am jealous). I loved your image of the baby reaching out when someone leans over the stroller. And being in the pre-verbal state. I think that is what you need right now in therapy, to go back to an early time and have your needs met. It's OK. I remember only the second session with my T, we did some EMDR and went back to my infancy and I let out the most pre-verbal sob, deep from my soul, and it was like, whoa, where did that come from? (And I thought he was a magician to be able to lead me back in time and evoke that from me when I hardly knew him.) It's what we need sometimes, and it's OK. That was so healing for me, especially when he showed me how to sooth and care for that infant. I won't forget that. I hope you will continue learning from your marvelous T.

Good luck with your EGD. I don't know what that is, but you had a sad smiley to go with it, so I hope it goes well.