Maybe a less relational approach would be more beneficial to you right now. It sounds as though your t does not want to do the things you ask her, it sounds as if she gets a bit defensive and projects it back to you by saying " why is this important for you?" I think you have explained why these things are important to you and yet she unwilling to cooperate. I am thinking that CBT might be good because it is solution focussed and could help you be accountable for your projects you have been avoiding.