Maybe I'm missing something but I don't understand how "talking about why these things are important to you" is the same as "talking about the relationship." How you relate to her (or not) probably can tell you something about how you relate to people in general, though.

I guess your T sounds a bit like my T in some ways--no small talk, no compliments, no prompts for what to discuss-- so none of the things you mention would be deal-breakers for me. But if they're deal-breakers for you, then yes, you may need to find a T more able or willing to do those things.