A defeated person wouldn't still be trying. You're trying as much as you can right now and fighting things that could break certain people entirely. That's not my definition of defeat, that's my definition of a bad***. You're very strong, but even the strongest person needs help. I encourage you to go and be as honest as you can about what's going on. Humans need help and that's okay; we're pack animals. Let the "pack" help you with what they can.
I'll be here to PM if that gets you through.