Just saw pdoc. Going to be IP for a while as I am still so unstable. Last night I was suicidal with intent but got though that crisis by begin medicated. This morning I felt fine, as if nothing happened. I am splitting, a dissociative response to keep me safe when overwhelmed - well that is our best guess. Dr did say did appear a bit better today but I seem to get worse at night.

My mood is flat but not depressed oddly. My mind is spinning with ideas, and I have met this guy who is a patient in the hospital that i think i have a bit of a crush on. Had dinner with him (in the hospital) yesterday and today. He is a paramedic with severe PTSD from his job. He was the guy who counselled the other paramedics after a horrific incident but no one counselled him. that is a disgrace. Anyway, it is nice to make new friends.