Her fear alone is a very bad sign, imo. Being afraid that your partner will physically attack you at some point/being partnered with someone who thinks you will attack them - neither of these are healthy.
I think your actions were outside the norm in both incidents you described. In the first incident, kicking over a can of markers would be bad but more write-off-able. Destroying something she'd already worked on for hours is different. Do you see that difference?
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