its incredible, but you sound so much like me. I have trouble trusting after all these years. I worry that it will increasingly frustrate my T too. I try not to think about it or it will make me crazy. I'm in the same situation. I think im honestly really scared to trust my T because im afraid to get close to her and let her in and that she will leave or hurt me. In fact it seems sorta certain. I'm not sure if you feel the same about your T.