Yup, at least variations of that. It's a no-win situation. I want people to replace my family and give me the love that I always wanted, and then if they try, I reject them for not being my real family. I still want approval from my real family, but to get their approval I have to be needy and incompetent, but that drives everyone else away, and my real family isn't even very much a part of my life anymore. Does that even answer the question? Whatever I'm doing really is not working. I guess it keeps me from risking too much because I never really let anyone get that close, then I can't get hurt as badly when they reject me, or I move away, or whatever happens that ends the relationship. But I will never win that way because I never get the closeness that I need and want, because I push people away.