Kinda sounds like you are looking for basic human connection, someone to care about what is going on in your life, and who pushes you a little. Something like a friend.

I found that therapy naturally brought out these needs, but couldn't fulfill them, while also making me feel weird for wanting such things. Plus the ambiguity of personal vs professional drove me insane. Horrible feeling to need normal connection but to get only a calculated detachment.

How would you characterize the ideal therapy relationship? If the relationship itself isnt the central thing, what is?

Btw, sounds like your therapist has it easy. Gets paid to sit and talk, doesn't have to answer any questions, doesn't follow up on things or get too involved.