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Originally Posted by Hedgeleaf
1. Work. Work is work. Come in do my job leave etc. Ive been with my company for just over a year and still feel as though no one cares if I'm here or not. Hardly get acknowledged by people and get blunt arsy emails for my boss.
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some places are just like this. Where I work people don't get involved unless you initiate with them and since I'm the type to keep to myself, no one really gives me the time of day. Do they care? I dunno, probably not but if I wanted them to I'd have to make myself available and initiate friendships with them. I just don't. I doubt it has anything to do with whether they care if you're there or not.
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2. Ex husband. Lies lies lies. To be honest i don't expect anything less but he recently lied about having to go to a memorial service for someone who recently passed away (I didn't know him) so had to drop his daughter back early to attend. I later found out there was no service, he just wanted to go out and get drunk.
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I'm not sure how this can make you feel worthless. Seems to me that your husband being deceitful says more about his moral code or lack thereof than anything related to you. The way you state it, lying is what he does. That further makes it less about you than just the way he is. I doubt that in any way his marrying you turned him into a liar so your worth here has nothing to do with it, he's just a lying jerk.
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3. Family. My parents are getting a new bathroom fitted. I asked my dad how the plans were going etc and he didn't say much. Then when sister in law asks he gets excite and shows her brochures and talks got ages about baths. I own my home so it's not like I dont know about property. I recently had a new shower unit fitted. I realised that no one except sister in law actually really spoke to me directly. No one asked how I was (at the very end of finalising my divorce and need to look for somewhere to live) it's almost as if my life and problems don't exist.
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This one out of all of them seems to be something related to what you're feeling, and I can understand that. Perhaps remodeling is a subject that your dad knows your Sister-in-law is passionate about so he gets excited to share that particular thing with her? Do you connect with your father on this type of thing or other areas? It probably says something about your dad's expectation that you won't be interested more than it does about him not caring or thinking you're valuable tho.
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4. Ex boyfriend (the abusive one) still can't get him out of my head. He send me a message this morning from someone elses phone as ove blocked him saying he misses me so much etc. I replied saying I'm in a really bad place right now I'm having a really tough time with life. This message is entirely true. It's what's happening right now. As he text me I was hoping he would see I'm reaching out and send me back some comforting words. His reply 'ok, take care x'
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Simply put, he's an ex and not only that, an abusive one. Quite honestly it's playing with fire when you keep up with an ex. I am not sure why his opinions or feelings toward you would be important to you but they shouldn't be. Not only did you break up and get married but clearly he didn't treat you well when you were together so that doubles up the reason for him not being a significant gauge for your self worth.
I'll tell you the truth, his response is entirely stating what type of guy he is. Just in the little you've said, I would guess he is a self-centered jerk, if not narcissistic. He wanted a response out of you that wrapped you around his finger, felt sorry for him, for missing you or wanted him back. it was entirely about manipulating you and a way for him to get attention, nothing in it was about or for you so, when he saw that you couldn't or wouldn't respond in kind, he decided to give up and let go.