I don't fit with anybody though. I always push people away and reject them and feel lost and rejected. I need to work out this relationship with her. I might never find anyone else who is willing to try, for one thing. Also, it feels like if I fail at this it would crush me.

I have other relationships, such as here, and at least one friend I can talk to openly IRL (which is pretty big progress for me), and also the Personal Growth Group which is part of my practicum training. All of that should help, as long as I can remember that none of them can replace my family.