I'm use to wanting to(ways to SH). I've learned to ignore it. Even have a tattoo to cover up my veins to prevent me from trying. They're just thoughts. I don't need IOP / PHP because of them. I don't even think I need therapy more then like 2x a month. I would never use the (therapy co.) van. Getting into a van with a bunch of strangers is a good way to die. I don't even say hi to people even if they say hi let alone talk to anyone in public unless DH is right there. Sometimes even if DH right there. However I avoid leaving the house because I am also scared to ride in cars. However staying home alone I often worry someone will break in. I'm petrified of the hospital and will do anything to stay out of it.