> I don't fit with anybody though.

I understand that it might feel that way. To tell you the honest truth... Therapists who are good at acceptance are hard to find. I think it is because one can't really be properly accepting of others if one isn't properly accepting of oneself. And... There simply aren't many people in the world who are properly accepting of themself.

This stuff is from Linehan (paraphrased)... Clients sometimes present with such distress that we really want to do everything we can to alleviate their distress. Sometimes they tell us that they want to change certain things in their life and so we do everything we can to get them to change those things in their life. But sometimes it seems like the more we try and allieviate their distress and the more we try and get them to change the worse their distress becomes and the more they feel stuck in changing.

The answer?

To accept them. Not to accept them with 'buts' because that isn't acceptance. Not to accept them because we think that acceptance is going to facilitate change because that isn't acceptance. Just to take them as they are and accept them.

Sometimes... One needs to feel distress. Sometimes that is something that people need to do. To feel it. To see that it comes and goes in waves. To learn... That ones therapist can cope with it without being afraid of it or becoming distressed themself. And thereby to learn that one can cope with it. To learn that one is allowed to feel it and that one can feel it and that feeling it can be healing.

Sometimes... One needs to keep on doing things that one might (partially) like to change. Sometimes that can be about there being something in what one is doing that is really important to one. That is what the resistence is about. Part of you telling you 'hey I'm simply not ready to do this yet!' And that is okay. I know I have trouble becoming emotionally close to people who aren't able to accept me. That being said, the more I learn to accept myself the more resilient I am in myself such that I can let people in a little and if I feel judged / condemned by them then it doesn't hurt me so much. Maybe you need a bit more emotional distance than most people. People are different and it might just be that you are actually quite happy with being a little more distant than most. Maybe your desire to change isn't so much that you desire to feel closer. Maybe your desire to change is more that other people arne't able to accept your desire for a little distance.

I'm wondering who told you that you always push people away and reject them. Did your therapist tell you that? Did you read that somewhere and think that that described your behaviour adequately? Did you come to that on your own? I'm wondering... Why do you push people away? Do you feel scared all of a sudden? Getting past that fear isn't going to be about giving yourself a 'good talking to'. Ignoring the fear and trying to push past it isn't likely to be something that ANYBODY is able to do. If your therapist can't accept your fear and let you feel it with her... Then how are you going to learn to deal with it?

Is it that your therapist has told you that if you leave the therapy relationship with her that you won't have a chance of succeeding in therapy (in life) without her?

I guess I'm just thinking... That there is a bad fit. That is how come Linehan says that certain people can be quite hard for most therapists to see... Most therapists... Aren't good at acceptance. But without that... How are we supposed to learn?