I was discharged from an eating disorder program 3 months ago, and I am having a lot of intense, painful emotions. I feel completely alone. I feel like i don't matter and I'm not important. Im having a lot of self harm urges for being unlovable. All these urges got so much more intense within the last few days. The holidays are usually a very hard time for me for multiple reasons. One is that there is a lot of food involved, and I have an eating disorder. The other is that it revolves around family, and I grew up in an abusive home. In more ways than one. I feel like I don't belong anywhere or with anyone, and this time of year is just another reminder. I feel so out of control right now. I dont know if I can make it through the holidays like this. I feel like such a wreck. Does anyone else feel this way during this time of year?