Today I was moving things around to make room for Thanksgiving stuff. My father-in-law came out to see what I was doing and quickly started helping. My first reaction was something like "I don't need help, I can this myself, I'm useless if I don't do everything myself".

My second reaction was guilt that I was making a 79 year old man move furniture because I didn't do it quickly or quietly enough. Again, I felt that he was compensating for my failure. So, I kept telling him that he didn't have to do that and not to hurt himself, and blah blah blah like that.

Suddenly it occurred to me how incredibly ungrateful I sounded. He always wants to be helpful because he feels old and useless, and I know this. He was happy to be helpful and involved (although he does think like he can still do more than he's physically able to do) and I was pushing him away and probably reinforcing his feelings of uselessness.

I wish that things weren't so complicated (and that I wasn't so screwed up lol) but I took a step back from the situation and from my feelings of inadequacy so that I could tell him that I appreciated him and was grateful for his help. I actually really do appreciate being part of a family where we all do try to help and take care of each other, especially since it's been kind of a long, difficult road to get here.

Does anybody else have sudden revelations that your own issues are getting in the way like this?