My God. That must have been so difficult and I am very much able to relate to you. My "baby Maggie," was a an Orange Tabby with white on her belly and paws as well her nose. She was a Christmas miracle as she was abandoned by her mother perhaps, was a runt and found shivering almost to death by someone walking around Peddlers Village Bucks county PA. She was brought in and fed Tuna. Was a great day considering. My husband brought her home and ... although a runt, she was able to leap tall building in a single bound! No, but seriously she was able to jump into a vent just below ceiling level and lived to be almost 20 years old! We foundout she had kidney failure...it was advanced and I try not to tear myself with the guilt of being so self involved due to my anxiety and problems that led me to this site and comfort myself knowing I loved her and she was a good girl. It came on quickly and when I knew her death was likely to happen any time I made certain to lay her on a pillow, pet her talk to her, give her water with a dropper...once she started to "refuse"food / water...well, anyway (I'm actuallycrying now thinking about it).

So, I made her as comfortable as I could, and was present as she. literally, took her last breaths, and lost her urine. I stroked her, told her how much she was loved and would be missed but also that it was ok for her to go - not to be afraid - that the universal does not waste energy - even with us - the endergy that is us is simply transformed.

She was a good girl. A pet is a gift we may feel we do not desere. I am sure your pet is playing with toys and chasing field mice who dine on wild catnip.

I hope that didn't sound stupid.