This is my first post here so let me say hello to everyone

Now here is my problem, I have been Bi Polar all if not most of my life that includes severe depression and anxiety and the occasional if not sometimes frequent panic attacks.. I've been on the same Medication off and on for more than 20 years, and I have been seeing Doctors since I was at least 10. So that gives me 30 years of experience of being a psych patient. I just recently moved to a new area and leaving my old one behind including my previous doctor to which I was with for a successful 4 years.. He was a good doctor and I really hated to lose him because of my move.

I hate meeting new doctors, I'm Disabled and on Medicaid.. Most doctors I meet these days are not interested in continuing the previous medications I have had great success with (Remeron, Sequel, and Klonipin). It's usually they start out with putting me back on Prozac or Zoloft, with Depakote or Lithium. I can go on and on about the side effects I end up with, it's how do I meet a new doctor and not come off as begging or demanding where I know I'm going to lose and end back up as starting all over and taking a year or more to finally get him to realize in the end I should of started with in the first place.

I'm not a very effective speaker, my mind wanders and my brain acts like its spaghetti when put under the grinder.. I have been doing this all my life but it never gets any easier.. I'm right now in the middle of a severe anxiety attack.. my heart is pounding, it's hard to breathe, and I just want to go to sleep. So please forgive my rambling.. When I walk into a Doctors office I tend to be very intimidated, and I have developed over a time a very dislike for certain Doctors who I have had the worst experience with..

I'm trying to find alternatives, but the state I live in doesn't really provide help, Medicaid here keeps hanging up on me and keeps giving me deferring, me. I have signed a disclosure agreement at the facility I'm going to be going to so my medical records could be requested from my previous doctor, but I doubt they will have it by my first appointment.. I have to sit in his office for the first visit for about an hour and that place seems to give me the creeps.. My last doctor was fantastic, I immediately knew I could trust him, but I have been looking at reviews of soon to be Psychiatrist, and they are a mixed bag. How do I walk in, and walk out with the meds I need and have been on most of my life? I'm getting too old to play spin the doctor..

Thank you for listening to my rant.. I'm just an hysterical mess.