You are not alone lark265! And I am sorry you are feeling like this.
My paranoia does its` dam nest and stops` me from going out, and this depresses me more! Isolation is I suppose is my doing (Don't` want anybody thinking that I am a nut-job!) I know that I am a good person inside, who just wants` a normal life! `BUT` the way my mind works` I will never experience that! (And that thought makes` me more depressed) It feels` that I am on a merry-go-round that won`t bloody stop! (Makes` my head spin, race and hurt) aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh `Please god make it all go-away`

A big from me.