THis is sort of related and sorta not. Hopefully I can make some sense since I'm not entirely sure what my point is

I met my first husband in rehab when I was 19. I wasn't an alcoholic or drug addict but I had severe mental health issues and my parents assumed it was drugs and ask me to go and since I had smoked pot a few times and drank a couple beers I thought they were right and I went. It was like a little resort. Famous people were there but I'm not allowed to say who. About 2 weeks before I was to be released my ex husband showed up. The moment we caught each other's eyes they were sparks and trouble. The people at the facility noticed and had nothing but bad things to say. One of the ladies who ran the place married one of her patients a few years earlier so she hardly had room to complain ya know? The whole program forbids dating until you have at least a year of sobriety under your belt (kinda like telling us we must have a year of stability). Some people will remain forever single in this scenario but it supposedly has clinical evidence to support its theories.

My ex husband and I didn't listen to reason. We stayed in contact and slowly starting a relationship which lasted for several years. We stayed sober which was easy for me and I didn't understand real drug addiction or understand how hard it was for him. We loved each other very much, dated for 2 years and decided to get married and start a family. Once I was pregnant, he got lost in drugs, began verbally abusing me,stealing and hocking my family heirlooms and personal treasures....even taking back all the jewelry he bought me. Then it turned physical and I had to leave him for the safety or myself and my child. I still loved him....but he was so much sicker than I was prepared to handle. He's spent the last 20 years in and out of jails and rehabs and almost makes me want to kill myself when we have a phone conversation because he's such a deluded and sick person.

I do not regret that relationship. I have my son and he makes it all worth while. I grew as a person and it helped me learn the difference between a healthy relationship and one that isn't serving anyone. I'm glad I didn't take the advise to stay away from him. I'm glad I learned my own lessons. Things can go bad no matter where you meet someone. Things can go good no matter where you meet someone. I make my own choices. If someone makes a choice for me, I never feel that choice was mine or that they had a right to decide what is best for me. Along my journey through life I've met lots of people who learn all their lessons through watching someone else. Good for them, it's less messy that way. But I need to learn through the raw mess and dirty corners of real experience. Someday I might regret this but I doubt it. My choices have been my own and that is easier to deal with than a perfect life designed for me by other people.

Good luck with your decision.