Quote:
Originally Posted by Melmo
For me it's not just being low. I have two kids and I'm single. For 2 1/2 months I was getting up at 5am, leaving at 6:30 and walking to my oldest daughters daycare. We would get there at 7. Catch the bus to my youngest daughters daycare. Then I'd bus to work and get there right on time for 8. All day if be stressed out and have anxiety and work my *** off. Always feeling like no matter how much I try it's still not good enough. Constant self doubt.
Then off work for 4:30-5 and go pick up my kids to be home at 6-6:30 then rush through getting us all fed and then bathed and ready for bed. Then after I manage to get them in bed, I'd have to do dishes/laundry and pack lunches and bags for the next day. Getting to bed at 11-12am and getting up at 5am again.
It's been like this for 5 years now...my moods change so much that I can't handle stress and have been put off work on stress leave 3 times.
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My situation is so similar to yours it's insane. I am on my 3rd stress leave right now. I want to try going back to work but I'm terrified that with my rapid cycling that it's going to push me into psychosis with the lack of sleep. I go through my phases every couple of days but have had several in one day. It's exhausting. I'm on my 2nd day of maybe an hour or two of sleep. I'm worried I'm going to shut down on turkey day.
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Living in a world where chaos is the only thing I know.
Bipolar I - manic episodes with rapid cycling
ADD
NPD (Covert NPD)
Codependency/Abandonment Issues
Abilify 5 mg, Lamictal 50mg, Adderall 20mg x 2.5 daily, Valium 2 mg as needed and the daily struggle to not self medicate.