Thanks both! I've been thinking about what you wrote and processing.

Tish, I must admit the idea of a vibrator doesn't do anything for me, he's always been all I need like that and psychologically this would be an adjustment for me - I understand what you mean though about keeping the blood flow to that area, kind of like maintenance mode. Never say never.

Mysterious, a lot of what you write had me nodding, yes a slower build up might have better results and I agree a lot of desire is mental as well as physical. He's had ED a couple of times and I suspect there is an anxiety impact of that on us both.

I should have mentioned I did have situational depression a year ago and had SSRI meds, they definitely lowered desire. I was doing really well so came off in the summer. Since then it's been a challenging time, new job which is very physical and tires me (early starts too so no morning snuggles) longer hours than I anticipated and also a close relative struggling with severe MH issues - along with all the other every day stuff. I wouldn't say I'm depressed (no tears like when I was before) but I feel flat much of the time and tired. When I was a youngster none of this would have interfered with my sex life, I was more resilient, I guess I'm feeling my age (still regular periods btw so not menopause just yet).