Well, here I am again, alone on the holidays again. It is getting easier as years go by, but it still sucks. It would be nice to see my daughters. I don't understand what I did to make their mother hate me so badly, to say horrible untruths to my daughters about me.

She is by far the 2nd most horrible person in this world, in my book. She told me she wanted a divorce 2 days after my great grandmother died, filed a false CPS case against me (which I didn't know till 14 years later), then had her lawyer schedule the divorce hearing on my birthday. I don't think I'm a bad person. But what kind of mother turns her children against their father. I was hospitalized for a heart attack and my daughters didn't come see me. Then I was hospitalized for 4 days this year for my acute appendix that was leaking, almost killed me, and my daughters didn't come again.

It tears me apart, even more around the holidays, not to see my daughters. I wish I knew why I'm punished so much, for most of my life. My daughters are all I have, and care about, in this world. I would give anything to see them again. It has been 6 painful and empty years without them.