Quote:
Originally Posted by Talthybius
Look Shadix, I was 29 when I went back to school. I am excelling. And unlike you, a therapist did suggest to me it was worth it to test me for (high functional) autism and I was in complete social isolation where the only social interactions I experienced was with my parents, who have an extremely unpleasant hateful relationship
I am excelling. I even got the most amazing girl in my classes to become interested in me in some manner.
Your problem, and my problem in the past was, that I had no goal and ambition. Because I had no drive. Because I only wanted to try if I was sure I would excel. My idea was that if you do not try, you cannot fail and nothing is lost. And if you can accept a life filled with emptiness, you are more happy and content then when you have an exciting life, but you yearn for more.
Also, you don't need to be witty and quick of mind to flirt with a woman.
My best friend (who I haven't met in person for 6 years) told of a similar story to yours. He thinks him and me are alike. So maybe he and you are alike in some manner as well. He admired his brother for his looks, social skills and interactions with woman. Later on, he got closer to his brother and he learned that his brother admired many things my friend had, but his brother had not. And they got a better friendship realising this. At least that's what he told me.
Yes, you cannot beat your bother at what he does best. And yes, people gravitate to strangers that are charismatic. If people also prefer that charismatic person as a friend, I am not sure about. Maybe, but the effect will be less.
What do you really want out of all of this? You to tell us how many negative thoughts you have about yourself and everyone else to tell you that you are wrong and that you are charismatic and witty?
Do you want to know that there are people who share similar experienced?
Look, your concerns are understandable and many people, especially males, have to struggle with this (as females are generally valued slightly different). But what are you going to do about it? Like I think I have said before, given what you have said, you either accept yourself, change yourself, or a mix/compromise of both. And what are you going to do, from tomorrow onwards, to achieve this?
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Has your high functioning autism diagnosis helped in any way? My therapist basically said that the only thing she would do for mild autism is social skills training, and she would be doing that with me anyways, since I have social anxiety. So there wouldn't be much point in a diagnosis. I stopped going to that therapist though because she doesn't take insurance and her schedule is not convenient with my work.
There are things I would like to excel at, but another part of my problem is I suspect I suffer from cognitive slowness and that this might prevent me from excelling in some areas. If I am always going to lag behind in something, I would like to not put my time and energy into it. I think most people look down on you if you suck at what you do. For example, one of the things I love to do is learn new languages. I have been teaching myself a couple of for a while now using (pirated) CDs. But I am concerned that having slow cognitive processing speed could prevent me from being able to effectively communicate in foreign languages. Hell, I have trouble even communicating in English. Wouldn't I look like a fraud if I tout myself as someone who loved learning new languages and then it is revealed that I actually can't speak any of them very well at all? Unfortunately it seems most things I am interested in would require some cognitive ability. It would really help if I could know my limits, but it isn't very easy to determine something like that. And the problem is people are so harsh and judgemental. If you present yourself as incompetent at things you do, people judge as an all around incompetent person. People seem to put you into one of two categories: competent people and incompetent people. I do not want to be put into the latter category, because I think that is what limits my ability to be socially valued and to score desirable dating partners.