ElsaMars,
You are one of the most interesting and creative people on PC. This post paints your feelings so eloquently. Once you said in a post that you thought you were a bit "off", I said to myself, "that describes exactly how I feel among all sorts of people (neighbors, in-laws, etc.) ever since my attempt. When my T says things, I am always reading between the lines. For instance, she always says, "are you taking your medications" then "don't stop taking your medications." I always think to myself that she must think I am really "off" if she is so concerned about me not stopping my meds. Anyways, thanks for expressing a lot of the things that many of us feel in such a beautiful way. You make PC a better place!