((childofchaos)), I am sorry you were triggered so badly. Hold on ok? You can do this until you get together with others in your 12 step. You have urges but you don't have to act on them, it's actually good if you find out that you can manage without acting on urges. When you learn to work through these challenges you will actually gain on your ability to manage these urges better. It's ok to acknowledge them, but, you also need to find out that you can acknowledge and not act, that in itself can be empowering. Also, good for you for being able to talk about what happened, that is a step forward all in itself.