My head has been all over the place the last couple of weeks. One minute I'm planning my end, the next considering going back to work and somehow riding out this storm.

I'm not sure how it can change so dramatically, so suddenly. How something so intense and unbearable can somehow become more manageable. Or how I can go from having hope, to being in the bottom of a pit unable to see any kind of light. But change it does...

I guess now is one of those hopeful moments. I have been off sick for a month now, and the truth is I had no intention of going back. No intention of being alive to be able to go back. But somehow found myself on the phone to my manager today arranging my return to work for Monday. So I guess this is me trying again. I just hope it's not a mistake.

Am I ready to go back? Will I be ok? Probably not... But I'm also achieving nothing by sitting around my house all day binging on various netflix shows.

I just have to make more of an effort to make this life thing work I guess..