I am considered HIGH RISK quite often which usually leads to going IP. IP helped bring me back to a safe place, like where I am at now. However, when stable or in a mild episode I am not considered high risk and it is all managed at home.

You do sound like you are at high risk and I hope you can commit to going IP or at least IOP asap. It is only once we are 'well' that we can look back and see things clearly. This episode will pass more quickly you get intensive treatment. And above all you must stay safe.