GOOD you said it outloud to a lady at AA, you waited it out and reached out instead of running to the alcohol to hide from feeling. Believe it or not the lady that listened to you at AA also ran to alcohol to escape her emotional challenges, so she understands where you are right now. You say, "I don't cry", well one of the things that happens at AA is that often in the beginning new members cry. And one thing that is so good about AA is that others do know where you are and they are supportive and caring. You will find that others have been through "bad" relationships or were victims like you have been. They found relief in the alcohol but that ended up making their lives unmanagable. So others will understand and will help you find your way towards working through things instead of running away.

Also, your fear of "I can't do this" is something these others have had to work through themselves and they slowly began to learn "how" and grow and gain and they do this in groups which is nice and they also do this anonymously because they understand the most important part of "learning and gaining" is support and working through things one day at a time. These individuals understand more than you realize right now, they are there to help when you need support instead of running to the alcohol. It's ok to sit and feel.