I wrote a post in grief explaining something that happened relating to my recent loss. I worked yesterday but felt awful. Tired, beaten up and in pain. I came home early and took pain killers and flexerill. I slept all afternoon and woke for just an hour and slept till morning. I woke up with a killer back ache from being in bed so long. Got up and stretched and came back to bed. Bad pain. I have been sleeping off and on all day, the flexerill hangover. Missing work. Yesterday I decided that therapy right now is too much work and that I just need to focus on being alive right now. I don't feel like figuring anything out or dealing with the crap from the past that has popped up so nicely in response to my friend's death. I feel like resting and being comforted. I called a friend who was going to try to make a visit but she can't till Jan. How I would like just to be held and snuggle with one who loves and knows me so well. Hubby is great, I called him at work yesterday and cried. Never have leaned on him much. But it is a female I need now, one who has known me for a long time and the only person I know who fits that order is my friend who can't make it till Jan. My T said she will respect my desire to take a break. I am not upset with her, I simply do not have the energy I need to do the work and live at the same time. I am in pain. Old PTSD dreams are rampant and I am just trying the best I can to care for myself. I don't know what to do or how to survive. I feel pretty awful. T said it's strong grieving. Well probably that and the can of worms it opened to the past. Waiting for the muscle relaxants to leave my system. Rather have the pain now. I guess I am venting, don't know what I expect from anyone. Just a sad sad place to be.