You could go and clear the air, eat some good food and be surrounded by the people you care about, or you could take the day to yourself and reboot as someone suggested.

I will be seeing my grandpa today. He is 98....old and frail but surprisingly spry for his age. Still cranky as ever though. He harmed me pretty badly as a kid and I've never recovered. It's hard to see him and be around him because it brings up such conflicting emotions for me. He showed me great kindness but also really harmed me several times in vital ways so it's just hard. I really would prefer not to be around him but he's so old and I feel I owe it to him to show that I do love and care about him. He contributed to my life and the person I am in both good and bad ways.

Sorry for going on about myself but I guess what I'm saying is I get it. I get wanting to go and not wanting to go at the same time. I understand family drama and grudges (((hugs)))